HOLA, READERS!
“Hola,” I’ve been reminded, is the Mexican word for “Hello,” as Maria the Computer Study Area Operator at my local library will attest. Maria has been gracious enough to help guide my first foray into the digital mind trip that is, “InterNet” or “Web”, or for sci-fi movie buffs, “The Matrix”! (Note: Readers have noted the striking similarities between said film and my 1995 autobiographical novella, Well, I’m Going To Die: One Man’s Unlikely Experience With Acid During The Rio De Jenairo Electrical Blackout of 1981 . An infringement suit has been filed in my cabinet drawer marked “Potential Infringement Suits.”)
In last week’s column I vowed to embrace the technology of the 2000′s and explore the apparent advantages a computer has to offer. So, for the first time, I am writing not from behind my Devry University embossed typewriter, but an actual Dell Personal Computer! I’m using “software” (No, you don’t WEAR it!) called “Windows” (the name of my brother Brian’s high school Doors cover band) which, when having “loaded” (a term my mother applied to Father after a day at the races) brings you to a screen that could, in a way, be described as a virtual “Desktop”.
Adorable
What’s nice about a computer’s “Desktop” is that behind all the “things” you can click, Maria has demonstrated how one designates a custom picture as a backdrop. Now, before jumping to that snapshot of baby Elliot perched inside a clay flower pot as if he were a vivacious Dandilion himself, you may want to note the first rate photography Windows provides. Take, for instance, the arching desert landscape balanced by rich, royal blue sky. Stunning.
Eye-catching
Be forewarned: After around three to four minutes of inactivity, the screen will be “saved” by shifting to a hypnotic display of swirling color and abstract visual chaos (a similar unsettling experience is detailed in Chapter 9 of Well, I’m Going To Die…). Recoiling in fear isn’t necessary, I found — this isn’t a “computer virus” like the ones we kept our children home from school from in the 90’s. It’s merely the computer’s way of conserving energy – a move Filmmaker Al Gore would surely approve of (Idea Alert: ”A Conveinient Loose Tooth” would be a funny name for a children’s book about fairies!!!).
At this point, I felt ready for Maria to show me how to open a “Word Document”, the program that mimics a typewriter’s “Blank Page”.
To reiterate, this world of computers and technology is new to me. Staring across the grid of arrows and small, blinking vertical lines can feel daunting.
Clippy: A Warm Soul
What an absolute joy it was, then, to meet a friend who understood my virgin-like hesitance and could guide and nurture my journey into the unknown. No, it wasn’t the wonderful Maria this time; she was on her cigarette break. Rather, I am referring to Clippy, the animated paper clip who resides with such enthusiasm and infectious wonder in the lower right hand corner of the Word Document window. Clippy’s ability to offer invaluable tips, shortcuts, and suggestions with affability and wry humor could, frankly, draw comparisons to—I’m sorry, it’s true—Dr. Ben Stein’s glory days as a freewheeling trivia game show host on Comedy Central.
EPIPHANY ALERT: Check out the digital parlor trick I just nabbed from the remarkably Web savvy 14 year-old and self-proclaimed “Latina Princess” (a title proudly displayed on her shirt in beautiful, rhinestone cursive) sitting to my right:
;P
Do you see it??? It’s a specific code that evokes a face winking while at the same time sticking its tongue out in a playful, flirtatious manor. I’m speechless.
Is this a sign of what’s to come from my exploration of the World Wide IntraMatrix? I sure hope so, because for the first time in my life, I’m experiencing the intoxicating thrill of breaking the stagnant, time-honored rules of classically written English my father swore loudly and violently by for so many years.
Sorry Dad. Time’s a fickle fish. There’s a new language, now: The Language of Choice. The choice to be foolish and have fun with words. The boat’s here, folks. Either get in or get out; women and children first, followed by the Next Generation of Everyone, Everywhere. (Note: Titanic was a great film but stretched the truth in some areas of the script.)
Seinfeldians, although it’s surprising, I have to admit: I may be turning into a techno-freak-geek after all.
Hopefully, you all will join me in the next installment of my vow to explore 21st century technology and popular culture when I attempt to peek into my sixteen-year-old daughter’s social life by trying my hand at the networking website of the moment: Facebook.
As always, thanks for reading!!! See you next week!!!
;P ~mWaH~
Да, действительно. Это было и со мной. Можем пообщаться на эту тему. Здесь или в PM.